Having a Stillbirth is a traumatic event. There's no other way to describe it. Besides the grief and loss, mourning and dealing with such an event, your body is in a bit of limbo physically. In this article I'll talk about how Traditional Chinese Medicine would approach helping such a woman.
Stillbirth is simply devastating mentally, emotionally & physically.
You have grown that baby and taken it close to full term or even full term. There are hormones rushing around your body telling you to feed that baby that you can no longer hold. The doctors may give you medications to deal with this and dry up your milk, but physically, you are in a post-natal state, without the joys and excitement. What is going on??!?
In Traditional Chinese Medicine the Post-natal state is an important one, they call it The Golden Month. In the case of Stillbirth, this is no different and acknowledging your post-natal phase still applies. You may have lost blood, you're probably exhausted, emotionally & physically and just 'waiting it out' isn't enough.
In a recent case with a client, I looked at her situation carefully to work out a plan to help her body heal, on her own timing. After her daughter was born Stillborn just weeks prior, she was determined to try again and as soon as possible. Here's what my advice to her was:
Don't rush it
It's an Eastern tradition to have confinement once a baby is born, to rest, nourish yourself, focus on sleep and stress management. I would still advise this with Stillbirth. Taking a minimum of 3 months to recover physically from such an event is a good idea because it give you time to recover from the birth, and start to rebalance your hormones again. I was very happy to hear her Obstetrician had given her the same advice. This time is about looking after YOU. You may have conflicting feelings after losing your child, to nurture yourself, but this is an essential part of recovering after birth.
Deal with the emotions as they arise, don't hold them in
Getting counselling from a qualified and an experienced Pregnancy counsellor is recommended. I refer clients to Sue Hawkins who has 35 years experience in Post Natal and Perinatal Health if you're on Sydney's Northern Beaches.
Bears of Hope - Rebecca Leonards 1300 11 HOPE is also based in Brookvale, Northern Beaches of Sydney.
Stillbirth is a huge life event. Getting the support you need is the key to dealing with it and being true to yourself. Acupuncture can also be an adjunct therapy to counselling. By releasing tension and stagnancy by focusing on the Liver (Anger) , Lungs (Grief) and Kidney (Fear). Unresolved grief or emotions can build up over time and begin to affect other relationships around you and your mental health. Be kind to yourself now and get the support you need. You may not ever get over this, but supporting yourself and taking each day as it comes is a productive first step.
Nourish your blood
Blood loss during the birth and after birth can affect your iron levels, not to mention your energy levels overall. This may help your energy levels when you feel absolutely exhausted and emotionally empty after such a tragic loss.
Chinese Medicine recommends treatments of Acupuncture or Chinese Herbs to build the blood and nourish energy reserves for a more complete recovery from birth. Things like Chicken Bone Broth are a must for all women post-natally, because it's EXCELLENT at nourish qi and blood. Other nutritional options to Build and nourish the blood can be found here in my Spleen Friendly Foods List.
How can we help you Soothe your Heart?
This is similar to point #2 above, but the Traditional Chinese Medicine slant is focusing on relaxation and "filling your cup" emotionally. It's so hard to smile again, or even think about anything positive or dreams when you're grieving the loss of a child. Start somewhere and in small ways. What do you love doing? What makes you calm?
Suggestions could be Meditation, Yoga, Swimming, spending quality time with old friends who know you well, reading a book, being in the outdoors, going on a holiday, finding a women's circle or support group for bereaved parents in similar situations.
Make time to do these activities and prioritise them. The Heart energy is of high importance when it comes to acknowledging loss and grief. The Heart is also significant when you feel you're ready to try to conceive again, instill hope and support fertility. In TCM the Heart has direct association with the Uterus and Hormone Feedback loops that promote hormone balance, the HPO Axis. When you feel the effects of Adrenaline & Cortisol as a result of stress, your fertility may be hindered.
Focus on your sleep
It something simple, that we all have access to do. It's free and of all lifestyle advice probably bring the most benefits of all. It's like a spring clean for the brain and nervous system every night and if it's not happening every night, then you're missing out, big time. Again it comes back to the Brain, Nervous system and hormone feedback. Promoting this parasympathetic state is also known as "Feed & Breed" or Rest & Digest". Sleep also promotes efficient utilisation of your Cortisol, regulates your day/night rhythm and overall health. The benefits of a good night's sleep should never be undermined, especially if you're thinking about trying to conceive again.
Begin to regulate your cycle
Starting all over again can be an emotional rollercoaster when it comes to Stillbirth. That's why my suggestion is to start dealing with the emotions first. Then, if you feel ready to begin trying to conceive again, regulating your hormone cycle would be the next step in the plan. And you can take as long or a little time as you want to focus on this. As a rule of thumb, TCM suggests 3 months minimum (3 cycles) to reveal your cycle and see what's going on. But sometimes 3-6 months of cycle regulation is more realistic. If you had an erratic cycle previously, you may now find Pregnancy has "regulated" your hormones. This is common in women after Pregnancy. If there's still irregular patterns or PMS, an Acupuncturist or Chinese Herbal Medicine Practitioner is a good point of call for some help. We focus on the Liver here, and moving stagnancy to keep things flowing smoothly.
If trying again with IVF, get some Natural Support.
Deciding to try again after stillbirth can be very triggering and anxiety driven. It's so normal to be worried after such a devastating previous loss of life.
- Using Acupuncture for IVF couples can help manage and steady your emotions, anxiety, fear and stress.
- Research says it promotes better outcomes by providing implantation support to give you the best possible opportunity for another pregnancy.
- Be mindful of your mental and emotional wellbeing during the Embryo Transfer and Pregnancy test - what we call "Watchful Waiting". This can be a time when your body or mind feel heightened with axnious feeling and worry.
- If you do have a positive pregnancy test result, even Early pregnancy after a stillbirth can also be very nerve wracking for many months. Until you're holding your baby in your arms happy and healthy, the nervous system can be running on adrenaline most of the time.
- These examples are where Acupuncture can calm the brain and nervous system, address your grief for your stillborn child and help you cope. Its not about being perfect, or "fine" or denying these feelings. Supporting your emotional expression through these conflicted feelings is SO IMPORTANT.
- Working with a team of practitioners to help you deal with your Stillbirth, healing, recovery and even possible preparation for trying again is a smart plan. Using Psychologists, Counsellors, Acupuncturists, Nutritionists and Support groups can help you to feel some level of normalcy after such a tragic loss.
- Resources: Stillbirth Australia Foundation
- ABC News - How to support parents of stillborn children.
- Image: Stillborn baby - Hope. Gavin Blue, Heartfelt Photographer
- For more information on any of the Traditional Chinese Medicine strategies I've mentioned here, please email me privately here info@springfertility.com.au .
